These Phrases given by A Parent Which Helped Us during my time as a First-Time Father

"I believe I was simply in survival mode for the first year."

Ex- reality TV personality Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the challenges of becoming a dad.

However the actual experience quickly became "completely different" to his expectations.

Life-threatening health problems during the birth resulted in his partner Louise being hospitalised. Abruptly he was thrust into becoming her chief support while also caring for their infant son Leo.

"I was doing each nighttime feed, every nappy change… each outing. The role of both parents," Ryan explained.

After eleven months he burnt out. It was a conversation with his own dad, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he required support.

The straightforward statement "You are not in a good spot. You need some help. How can I assist you?" created an opening for Ryan to express himself truthfully, seek support and find a way back.

His experience is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. While society is now more accustomed to talking about the pressure on mums and about post-natal depression, not enough is spoken about the struggles fathers go through.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to ask for help

Ryan believes his struggles are part of a larger reluctance to talk amongst men, who often absorb damaging notions of what it means to be a man.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and doesn't fall every time."

"It isn't a sign of being weak to request help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he clarifies.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health before and after childbirth, notes men often don't want to accept they're struggling.

They can think they are "not justified to be requesting help" - especially in preference to a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental state is equally important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the chance to take a pause - taking a couple of days overseas, outside of the domestic setting, to gain perspective.

He understood he required a shift to consider his and his partner's emotions as well as the practical tasks of taking care of a new baby.

When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she needed" -physical connection and listening to her.

Self-parenting

That realisation has reshaped how Ryan views being a dad.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will look at as he grows up.

Ryan thinks these will enable his son to better grasp the expression of feelings and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The idea of "parenting yourself" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen was without stable male parenting. Even with having an "incredible" bond with his dad, long-standing trauma caused his father struggled to cope and was "coming and going" of his life, complicating their relationship.

Stephen says suppressing feelings led him to make "poor decisions" when he was younger to alter how he was feeling, finding solace in substance use as a way out from the hurt.

"You gravitate to behaviours that don't help," he notes. "They might short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will ultimately cause more harm."

Tips for Coping as a First-Time Parent

• Open up to someone - when you are under pressure, tell a trusted person, your partner or a counsellor about your state of mind. This can to reduce the stress and make you feel more supported.
• Remember your hobbies - continue with the things that made you feel like yourself before becoming a parent. Examples include going for a run, socialising or a favourite hobby.
• Look after the body - a good diet, physical activity and where possible, getting some sleep, all are important in how your mental state is faring.
• Meet other new dads - sharing their journeys, the challenges, and also the good ones, can help to normalise how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that requesting help isn't failing - taking care of yourself is the most effective way you can support your household.

When his father eventually died by suicide, Stephen understandably had difficulty processing the passing, having not spoken to him for years.

In his current role as a parent, Stephen's committed not to "continue the chain" with his boy and instead offer the stability and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son threatens to have a tantrum, for example, they do "shaking the feelings out" together - expressing the feelings in a healthy way.

Both Ryan and Stephen state they have become more balanced, healthier men due to the fact that they confronted their pain, transformed how they communicate, and figured out how to control themselves for their kids.

"I'm better… processing things and managing things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I said, at times I think my purpose is to teach and advise you on life, but the truth is, it's a two-way conversation. I am understanding an equal amount as you are through this experience."